My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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