To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
