the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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