i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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