Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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