i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
