is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
