We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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