He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
