I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are we still banned from the library?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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