i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
