I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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