The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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