I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
