Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
