I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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