Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
