I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
