My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
