he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
