State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
