Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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