i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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