I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
