he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
