I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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