it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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