You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
