I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
