Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
