Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
