New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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