I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
