We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
