I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
