I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
