Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
