You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
