Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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