walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
