I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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