A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
