Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
