Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
