it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
