im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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