you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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