She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
