I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
