$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
